On Memories of Past Loves

Blessed are those who do not have many crushes and ex-lovers in their lives, for you are saved from the random moments when your brain decides to throw a memory at you triggered by a mundane thing.

Like the janitor’s new cleaning liquid that reminds you of the boy you had a huge crush on. Or a perfectly happy song playing on the radio that makes you cry because it was the song you once dedicated to someone on Valentine’s Day. Or a Facebook like from someone you once had a crush on who is now married with kids that makes you remember how sweet his messages used to be.

And don’t even get me started on how meeting up with a friend at a cafe gives you the chill or how someone’s text gives you a nervous breakdown because it made you think of that guy who turned out to be abusive.

What makes it worse is that you’re pretty sure you don’t have any feelings for these people any longer, but when these memories pop up it feels like your ground is shaken. It doesn’t make any sense, does it? To remember that you once felt something for so many different people? You question why it is that you remember this feeling, why it still makes you smile, or (in most cases) pierces your heart.

And then you remember that your past loves are lessons… every smile, every laugh, every tear, every scar, every memory, they are there to remind you what you’ve learned. This is why they pop up at random, it is when your brain decides you need a quick refresher of your course.

And you can look into the eyes of THE ONE and tell him:

“I’ve loved many before you in many different ways, they have shaped the love I have for you. Like a mosaic of different pieces, my love for you is unique, you remind me of all those I’ve loved before, yet at the same time I realise the difference. You are special, because you’re the last piece, the one that completes. With you, I will have a different sort of lesson, one that I have been prepared for by all the lessons before you, one that will never become a random memory, because it will go on until the end.”

On the Reasons for Love

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“Do I love you because you’re beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?” — Prince Charming in Cinderella, the Musical

It seems like an innocent question, something everyone asks whenever you say that you love someone/them.

“Why do you love him/her?”

“Why do you love me?”

“Why?”

Like there should be a logical, systematical answer. The answer should make sense, otherwise they question your statement of love.Because we’re told there’s a reason behind everything, and there are standards to what sort of person you could/should love.

The truth is, however, that when you are able to answer this question immediately (usually with a list of good traits) then that is not love.

No, you do not love someone because they’re beautiful, or smart, or funny, or kind, and you do not love someone because they understand you or because they always say the right things. You do not love someone for these reasons because beauty fades, the greatest minds will fail, some days people are sad and gloomy, there will be a time when they are unkind, they will misunderstand something you do, and you will argue.

When you truly love someone, you should not be able to answer why. Reasons are for liking people, for tolerating them, not for loving them.

When you truly love someone, you just do.

And when they fail to meet your standards, when you see the dusty corners of their souls and realize they’re nowhere near perfect — just like you are — you love them anyway, if not even more than before.

(Originally posted on Medium)