Six Word Memoir(s)

Day 2 of 15-day Writing Challenge.

Six word memoirs are so hard.
After all, still a hopeless romantic.
Sometimes I wish things were different.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
I love my job to bits.
He’s the only one who knows.
“You’re way too nice,” they say.
I still don’t have a plan.
I never feel like my age.
I thought he was the one.
I’m afraid that I screwed up.
I miss the way he smiles.
I should have done it differently.
“You really do love him, huh?”
No regrets, but haunted by memories.
Can we stop? It goes on.

 

I Hated It Because It Reminded Me of Us

Me: So I saw (that movie that’s clean sweeping all the awards) the other day…
Him: Oh yeah, I heard of it. Is it good?
Me: Yeah, but I also kinda hated it.
Him: Why?
Me: (explains all my grudges) and worse of all, there’s this scene where they both smile sadly at each other with understanding…
Him: You mean the kind of smile that says “yeah, I still love you even after all that has happened and we can’t be together”?
Me: Yeah…
Him: *smiles and looks away*
Me: *smiles and looks away as well*

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

There should be a word to describe the feeling when two people know that they are destined to fall in love but also at the same time realising that it is impossible for them to be together and therefore they choose not to take it any further than sharing conversations and smiles and inside jokes yet instead of being painful, it somehow makes them happy, and they could see this feeling in each other’s eyes, and they understand that they’re sharing the same feeling.

Time to Blog Again!

I’ve lost count how many times I wrote these type of posts. Maybe I should stop doing them and just go ahead and post something insightful/deep/inspiring/whatnot instead. I feel like I have to do this post though. The clean slate post, I like to call it. The starting over post.

I also debated internally whether I want to keep my previous posts or REALLY start over from scratch. For the moment the keeping side wins. That makes it not exactly a clean slate but whatever.

The other debate I still have, as always, is the question of having one blog for all the things I want to blog about or having separate ones for different main purposes. I’ve tried both, and they all usually end in abandonment, so let’s try the easy one first, huh? Everything in one place it is then.

I suppose I never do plan on abandoning my blog, and there are times when I simply itch to blog. I would sometimes even compose entire blog posts in my head. They just never get written down. Because life gets in the way, I would argue, but mostly it’s because I’m just too lazy to do it. You have time for everything and anything you prioritize, so when I don’t blog, it’s because I haven’t really been prioritizing it.

Blogging has always been my thing, though, ever since I first got on the Internet, which was… ugh, 15 years ago, at least. I know I wrote some things online before my pitas days, things that no longer exist. It’s quite amazing that pitas still exists, BTW. I wish I actually remember all my past blogs. Oh well, those I still remember will have to do. But I digress. Blogging has always been my thing and the fact that the thought of blogging keeps nagging me is probably a sign that I should get back to it, so here I am. Again. Keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll be doing this for real this time around ūüôā

Hari Kartini dan Ibu Penyapu Jalan

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Si ibu ini… Serius banget nyapu jalan di tengah hujan. Tapi sambil mempersilakan orang lewat. Lalu, pas di depan mobil gw agaknya sadar difoto lalu dia tersenyum menyapa selamat pagi.

Jadi inget quote Martin Luther King Jr. yang bilang:
‚ÄúIf a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.‚ÄĚ

Dan kemudian kepikiran mungkin itulah pesan Hari Kartini yang sesungguhnya. Seperti Kartini yang terus belajar dan mengajar sekalipun terpaksa harus tunduk pada tradisi, pada orangtua, pada suami yang sudah punya dua istri lain…

  • Milikilah sebuah tujuan (bahkan seandainya tujuan itu layaknya mimpi), dan teruslah bekerja dan berusaha mencapai tujuan itu, sekalipun situasi dan kondisi tidak mendukung.
  • Lakukanlah yang terbaik yang bisa kamu lakukan untuk mencapai tujuanmu di tengah situasi apapun kamu ditempatkan.
  • Sampaikan mimpimu kepada orang lain, yang mungkin akan menyampaikannya kepada orang lain lagi, dan kemudian bisa saja mimpi itu akhirnya menginspirasi banyak orang.
  • Sekalipun mimpimu tampaknya tidak akan mungkin terwujud dalam kehidupanmu, tetap jalankan sekuat tenagamu, karena mungkin apa yang kamu lakukan membantu orang lain mencapai mimpi mereka.

Selamat hari Kartini, segenap penduduk Indonesia!

Terima kasih, ibu penyapu jalan, untuk kerja kerasmu yang membuat jalan raya menjadi bersih, aman dan nyaman untuk kami yang melewatinya. Dan terima kasih untuk senyuman yang membagikan semangat di pagi hari sekalipun hujan tak henti-henti.

Starting Over (Again!)

It might just be a sort of mental disorder, the starting over syndrome, one might call it… but I miss blogging (a lot), even though¬†I still have many reservations about blogging again (sigh!).

A few months back I decided I wanted a clean slate and I started blogging on my wordpress.com account (see this post), but I have this quirky domain that fits me (and my life) very much and is actually printed on all my name cards so why am I wasting it? Plus, I like being self-hosted a lot better because there are less limitations. And so, here I am starting over again.

This time around, my plan is to slowly pull all my blog posts (and by all I actually mean ALL posts I’ve ever written, like all over the web, since the first time I started pouring out thoughts online, if at all possible) so that they’re all at one place. At the same time, of course, I hope to produce new content every once in a while (read: hopefully a lot more than before).

My current main issue is deciding on categories for all these posts and then how to lay them out in the menu, so if you’re reading this and you get lost along the way, I’m sorry. Renovation dust will be all over this place since I even went through a step that I might possibly regret (but was necessary), namely starting over with a fresh install on a new server — thereby deleting three blogs I had on subdomains before. My main regret on that is limited to the images, however, and I would probably be able to solve that since I do have the backup files (I think).

Alright, enough rambling, off I go to do some cleaning up again. Ciao!

 

5 Lessons on Relationships from “The Last Five Years”

From Wikipedia because I’m lazy:

The Last 5 Years is a 2014 American musicalcomedy-drama film starring Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan. Based on Jason Robert Brown‘s musical of same name, the film is written and directed by Richard LaGravenese.

last five years

The movie basically chronicles the love story of Cathy and Jamie in their five years together. It starts however with Cathy singing about Jamie leaving, then jumps to Jamie singing about their first night together… and so it goes, Cathy’s timeline moving backward while Jamie’s move forward until we get to their wedding day, and then we get the same moments told from the other’s perspective, ending with Jamie saying goodbye while Cathy recounts their first parting.

Presentation wise: mindblowing! Yet, none of the songs were particularly memorable. At some point they just seemed to fuse into one song… and I found myself walking¬†out of the theater singing “For the First Time in Forever” — Yes, the Frozen song — instead of a song of the movie, which should tell you just how boring the songs were… and one or two of them probably sounded like For the First Time in Forever, otherwise why would I be singing that song??

Also, since the movie is about the ups and downs of Cathy & Jamie’s relationship, there’s really no clear plot/climax/message. Yet, watching it I was reflecting on my own relationship and realized there are very good lessons to be learned, as follows.

Lesson #1 — Being in a relationship means walking together side by side.

One of the biggest problem in Cathy & Jamie’s relationship I think was described in Cathy’s third song “A Part of That” in which she describes how Jamie drifts off to his own faraway land and while at first Cathy is happy because she gets to be a part of Jamie’s creative process, soon enough she sings the following lines: “And it’s true¬†I tend to follow in his stride instead of side by side. I take his cue.” and eventually she questions whether she’s really part of Jamie’s world. And that’s the thing. For a relationship to truly work, both people have to be partners side-by-side. If one person feels like he/she is just being dragged along then you have a problem.

This is not to say that you both need to be successful, which seems to be the problem for Cathy: Jamie being a success while she keeps on failing. I think if a couple really are equals, then the success of one will not make the other feel neglected/invisible.

Lesson #2 — Being in a relationship means making mutual compromises and supporting each other.

This one was painfully obvious in the song “If I Didn’t Believe in You.” It seems that while Jamie tries to be supportive of Cathy, but he really has his dreams and career as his main priority. He seems to think that Cathy didn’t need to be cared for because she’s strong and Jamie says “If I wasn’t certain that you’d come through somehow… I wouldn’t be standing here now.” This song made it seem like Jamie was a nice guy who believes in Cathy and Cathy is the one who needs to fix her problems, but being in a relationship means fixing each others problems together, not soaring on while we let the other deal with their feelings.

No matter how strong a man or a woman is, the reason why she/he wants to be with you is because at some point they’re going to be weak and they’re going to need you to support them.

Lesson #3 — Being in a relationship means taking the time to make the other person feel special and important.

One of the moments in the movie when all the girls in the theater went “Awww” was when Jamie decorated their whole apartment to tell a story to Cathy and make her happy again despite having had an awful day. Well done, although at first I was about as pissed off at Jamie for forcing this girl who obviously needed peace and quiet to listen to his story as Cathy was, but okay, all is good in the end. AND YET… a few years later (though actually this scene came first), there was Cathy singing about how they could make the relationship work and Jamie went on to say that he’s going to leave soon and we find out it’s Cathy’s birthday. DUDE! You should be with your wife on her birthday, period.

Lesson #4 — Being in a relationship means keeping the flame of passion burning.

This is something that seems to be problematic for many people… at first you can’t keep your hands and lips and bodies off of each other, and then suddenly that flame is gone. And that’s when other people become attractive. No, no, no. No matter how old you get, be passionate about your partner. This is why you really shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone because you think they’re good looking because there will be a time when they no longer are, but if you love them for all that they are then it doesn’t matter how they look like, you will want to make love to them and be intimate with them all the time. And yes, that includes the time when you are no longer able to have sexual interaction. Intimacy and passion goes much deeper. But first, you have at least 10 to 20 years before the sex drive clears out, so make good use of it!

Lesson #5 — Being in a relationship means being honest with each other about everything.

If you feel like your relationship is breaking down, tell them. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, tell them. If you are struggling with yourself because you’re finding someone else attractive, tell them! What are you afraid of? That they’d get angry at you? If you have a true relationship where you are equal partners who make mutual compromises, keep each other feeling special, are passionate with each other, then you shouldn’t have that fear. At the same time, if a relationship isn’t build on trust and honesty then you will not be able to do all of the other things.

You chose to be together, “try a little harder and bend things to and fro to make this love as special as it was five years ago.”

On Memories of Past Loves

Blessed are those who do not have many crushes and ex-lovers in their lives, for you are saved from the random moments when your brain decides to throw a memory at you triggered by a mundane thing.

Like the janitor’s new cleaning liquid that reminds you of the boy you had a huge crush on. Or a perfectly happy song playing on the radio that makes you cry because it was the song you once dedicated to someone on Valentine’s Day. Or a Facebook like from someone you once had a crush on who is now married with kids that makes you remember how sweet his messages used to be.

And don’t even get me started on how meeting up with a friend at a cafe gives you the chill or how someone’s text gives you a nervous breakdown because it made you think of that guy who turned out to be abusive.

What makes it worse is that you’re pretty sure you don’t have any feelings for these people any longer, but when these memories pop up it feels like your ground is shaken. It doesn’t make any sense, does it? To remember that you once felt something for so many different people? You question why it is that you remember this feeling, why it still makes you smile, or (in most cases) pierces your heart.

And then you remember that your past loves are lessons… every smile, every laugh, every tear, every scar, every memory, they are there to remind you what you’ve learned. This is why they pop up at random, it is when your brain decides you need a quick refresher of your course.

And you can look into the eyes of THE ONE and tell him:

“I’ve loved many before you in many different ways, they have shaped the love I have for you. Like a mosaic of different pieces, my love for you is unique, you remind me of all those I’ve loved before, yet at the same time I realise the difference. You are special, because you’re the last piece, the one that completes. With you, I will have a different sort of lesson, one that I have been prepared for by all the lessons before you, one that will never become a random memory, because it will go on until the end.”

Begin Again

Let’s be honest. I miss blogging a lot. And yet, it is so hard to actually start again after you’ve stopped doing something for a long time. And then there’s always that issue I have on where I want to blog, how I want my blog to look like, who do I want to share my writings with and more importantly who would I rather NOT?

I had this brilliant idea a while back on having different blogs for different types of writing, so I could be a book blogger, a travel blogger, and a theology blogger, and a random everyday blogger, catering to my different interests with different potential audiences. It would also allow me to use all the different WordPress themes I adore, and probably make it a lot harder for people to stalk me because who would have time to search out all the different sites I have and read them all, right?

Well, the problem with this brilliant idea is… I do not have the time, nor the energy to keep up with them. Then there’s also the issue of not knowing where I should post something, and eventually I ended up not posting anywhere at all. And now I miss it terribly, and it’s so hard to begin again!

Nevertheless, here I am. Re-starting for the zillionth time in my life. Back to where I was: one blog for all. I decided to not change my address this time around because I kinda like having the same username all over my social media profiles, so might as well keep this one for my blog. I did however get rid (well, actually I put them to private) of my old posts, because it’s always nicer to have that feeling of starting with a clean slate. I might eventually decide to bring them back up again, since I did want to have an archive of all my writings on the web, whether profound or ridiculous, happy or painful. We’ll see.

For now, here I am beginning again. I’m hoping this time I won’t be stopping.

Project: Re-Start!

Well, I’m turning 30 in six days. SIX days. That’s less than a week. It’s difficult to fathom. I’ve been thinking about it a lot in the last few days. Part of me wants to say “whatever, it’s just another birthday,” while another part is anxious about it. This second part wants my 30th birthday to be extra special, and it wants it to be the beginning of the best decade yet.

The second part is winning.

And so, first and foremost, I’ve decided that it’s time to get out of my blogging hibernation. It’s time to get back in “the game”, despite the challenges that that might present (at the moment of writing this, I am neglecting two group papers, two reports, and three articles).

This morning when I thought about going back to blogging, I realized that I once created a special layout to celebrate my birthday on my blog which was at that time on pitas. That particular layout was for my 17th birthday. Which means that was 13 years ago. Which made me feel old. Other than making me feel old though, it made me realize that I was blogging way before blogging was cool.

Yet, instead of being a professional blogger (something I still feel like aiming to be), all my blogs (yes, I have several) have been on a long hiatus. On a side note, before the long hiatuses, there was a lot of moving around too, which is probably the reason why I don’t have a thousand readers at the moment. Not that I would ever do, of course, but it’s nice to dream about it.

Anyway, as I said, it’s time to get back to blogging, a re-start so to say, and this time I hope I won’t stop.

I’ve been hesitating about getting this post up, thinking that maybe I ought to do proper housekeeping first, which is something I’ve been trying to do for the last six months or so. It’s too hard! So, I decided to just go ahead. I will change things along the way, or not.

Bear with me, it’s going to be a¬†bumpy but awesome¬†ride!