There will be days…

There will be days when you somehow know that in order to feel better, you need to binge on mini oreos and drown yourself in coffee. Then probably take a shower and curl up in bed with a good book.

Blessed are those who put their well being above all else and actually succumb to these.

Just make sure those days don’t last forever.

Welcome to BMMD, The Blog

So umm yeah… I’ve decided to change things. At least I’m not (really) moving away, which is a great achievement given that I used to be what I call a “serial blogger” (read: someone who likes to move and start a new blog every now and then just because).

There are several reasons for this. First of all, I’ve come to notice that BMMD (that’s behind my messy desk) was a little messy — and while that works fine for me, it doesn’t do so well if I’m trying to be better known as a blogger. It confuses people. Also, it makes it rather hard for me to have a “community” because these are often there for certain types of bloggers (i.e. travel bloggers, book bloggers, fashion bloggers, etc.) and I don’t fit in to any of these categories. It makes it hard for me to connect with people, and people to connect with me. So it comes down to the fact that I need a little bit more organization going on if I want to get serious with this blogging thing, and it has come to a time where I do want it. (On a side note, another reason would be that there are so many cool WordPress themes out there that I kinda want to be using. LOL.)

Anyway. I’m currently in the process of building some blogs. Little branches of BMMD, if you will. At first I thought of branching out everything (Those themes!!) but then I realized I would probably end up neglecting all of them if I do that. So instead I chose the ones I really wanted to “grow”, namely travel and books, and branched those out (still working on them!). The rest, then, will be here.

In short then, BMMD The Blog is pretty much what BMMD was before, my random place where I post whatever I want/feel like. Unless I think they belong someplace else.

Enjoy your stay!

On my way to Busan

So here I am waiting for my connecting flight from Seoul to Busan and suddenly I realized I could technically blog on the go. Why I didn’t do so with my previous recent trips is beyond me… although possibly it’s because I had someone to talk to right next to me the whole time 😉

First thing first: OMG I’m in Korea! Next, what am I up to? I’ll be at the General Assembly of the World Council of Churches, as part of their communications team. Now this is awesome on various levels… allow me to elaborate.

The WCC General Assembly is, in short, the biggest ecumenical gathering in the world. It happens every seven years, and while the main reason for it is business (i.e. all the member churches send their delegates to elect the governing body, approve budget, evaluate programs, etc.), there will also be a lot of worship, discussions, sharing and learning opportunities. This year’s assembly is the tenth assembly in the history of the WCC. As you probably guessed by now, it’s being held in Busan, South Korea. And it’s probably the dream of anyone who’s interested/involved in the ecumenical movement to be able to attend this assembly.

Now, personally, I wanted to have a chance to attend a WCC Assembly ever since I heard of them during my seminary days. Never did I think however, that it will come so soon, and that I’ll be going in the capacity that I’m going right now.

I think I’ve mentioned earlier that I’ll be part of the communications team. I have my internship at the World Communion of Reformed Churches and my amazing supervisor/friend to thank for this, because she was the one who insisted that I submit an application. Also, she put up a good word for me 🙂

Long story short, I was selected as one of the young communication professionals to work at the assembly, and well, here I am waiting for my flight to Busan.

It’s a bit of a mixed feeling, between the sadness of being away from the people I love (oh love, dear love, how you change one’s perception about things!), the tiredness as I haven’t quite recovered from my previous amazing series of trips, the anxiety of facing the unknown (working for the assembly!), and the joy and gratitude of being able to be part of it all.

God of life, lead us to justice and peace!

Welcome to BMMD!

I decided to write a new post instead of editing the first welcome to BMMD post, because of reasons. Anyway, welcome to my personal little home on the web!

Like pretty much any personal blogs on the web (I think), you’ll find a random array of things here, both in English and Indonesian. To make things easier, I’ve made some hopefully helpful categorizations which you can access through the menu above.

For a quick runthrough, some of the things you might find here are: fiction and poetry, travel notes, book and movie reviews, and theological reflections. And probably mundane updates on my life.

I have transferred some content from previous/other blogs although I’m still hesitating on some more, mainly because I wanted things to not be too random, except that I now realize randomness is part of who I am and not posting random thoughts would be denying myself the freedom I wanted to allow myself on this page. Oh, the dilemma. Anyway, expect random content from all the way back in 2009 for now. In case it seems like there’s a misnomer in the post, it might be that it was from a different blog and I haven’t gotten to indicating so (yet). I am working on it, slowly. New content take precedence here because live goes on!

It’s long due, but I’ve written a long and pretty much complete about page, so feel free to read that too.

Hope you enjoy your stay!


PS: the featured image was done by a friend of mine using the iPad app Paper by 53.




Movie Review: The Conjuring

I’ve been hesitating about reviewing this movie, mainly because trying to review it means having to recall parts of the movie and then I get all sorts of creepy imagery going on in my head, but oh well, I guess it’s a risk I’ll have to take.

If you know me good/long enough, you’ll know that horror movies are not my kind of thing. In fact, I believe the last time I saw a movie that would be classified as horror was probably in high school (that would be about 10 years ago), and that only because I had no choice. It was a class-outing sort of thing. Anyway, no horror movies for me, thank you. So what gives? Answer: boyfriend. My first ever movie date, y’all! I could totally get used to it. The movie dates, I mean, not the horror movies. But I digress. Let’s get back to the horror movie in inquisition. Err, I mean in question.


The Conjuring. Meet the movie poster:



Goodness gracious that is one creepy poster right there. On a side note, I only saw the poster when we have reached the theatre and bought the tickets, so it’s not like I could back out of it now, despite his continuous teasing. Now, I had agreed on watching this movie mainly because we didn’t have any other choice considering the showtimes. Well, okay, we could’ve opted for Smurfs 2 but who wants to go on their first movie date ever and watch Smurfs?? Err, yeah, no. The Conjuring it is, despite everything I’ve read so far about how scary this movie is. By everything I’ve read, I mean tweets from various friends who’ve watched it, because obviously I don’t go around trying to find information about a movie I never planned to watch. So, went inside and sat down preparing myself for the worst… but as it turns out…

SPOILER ALERT (possibly)

The Conjuring was not nearly as frightening as I thought it would be. I mean, yes, there were a lot of seriously creepy imagery and heart attack inducing moments, CLAP CLAP to the director, but there were too many things that were in fact bordering comedic for it to be (what I expect) a horror movie (to be). Well, okay, I guess since it’s mainly based on a true story, you can’t really say anything about how the story goes, or can you?

In any case, I found myself terribly disappointed of the ending. I mean, there I was, waiting for someone other than Sadie and some random birds to die a gruesome death, but instead everyone was hugging and laughing like nothing happened like… as I tweeted that night… the director thought “okay, we scared enough crap out of people, now let’s give them a happy ending!” — I mean, I’m happy that everything worked out well for them (especially for the real family, goodness!) but this was supposed to be a horror movie, dang it! And I’m not even a fan of horror movies!!


And now may I continue to the series of other problems I had with this movie?

  • Annabelle, the doll who is so creepy it had to somehow be included in this movie despite the fact that there’s actually no connection whatsoever between her story and the rest of the story. What happened here? Did the director perhaps want to make a movie about the doll and decided that there’s already enough movies about possessed dolls around (the whole Chucky series, among others, and no, I have not seen any of them)? Also, I can’t get my mind around the fact that they decided to have the doll itself be ridiculously scary when the actual Annabelle is actually a cute Raggedy Ann Doll. I mean, I would understand people having compassion for Raggedy Ann, but why on earth would those two nurses in the beginning of the movie even HAVE a doll that looks like that?
  • The exorcism that turned out to be way easier than anyone would’ve thought. Because it’s problematic. We were repeatedly told that exorcisms are dangerous and must be treated with highest regards, and that only a priest could perform it, and the Vatican needs to approve it first, and so on and so forth, and yet at the end of the day Ed Warren led his first exorcism ever, done against what was supposed to be their most horrific demonic power ever, and he actually succeeded! What the… WHAT?! Okay, so the exorcism didn’t go too smoothly and eventually it was a combination of “outside” forces as well as “inside” forces namely love for one’s family that got the evil spirit away, which is a great metaphor if you ask me, but I’ll save the theological reflection for some other time, but nevertheless they got the demon away. The super powerful demon that’s been haunting the house for ages and has caused more deaths than anyone could have imagined, driven away with badly pronounced Latin (yes, I have serious problems with bad pronunciations)!
  • The lack of spirits haunting the house. Wait, what? Yes, seriously. If there have been so many gruesome deaths in that house/area, then why do we only have Bathsheba and Rory, and possibly Rory’s mom and the maid? Now that I mentioned the maid, can someone please explain what the maid has to do with anything? What did Bathsheba make her do, considering that all Bathsheba does is possess mothers to kill their children? In any case the scene with the maid was seriously out of place and I fail to see any connection between her and the rest of the story. Well, except maybe to make the cop (what’s his name again? Drew?) believe in spirits, but then again he was still semi-skeptical afterwards, wasn’t he?
  • The hide and clap game scene. Who was hiding in the closet, since it was supposed to be Rory’s hiding place and yet it was definitely not Rory clapping out of the closet. Also, who pulled Christine’s leg, and who attacked whatshername from above the closet? And how did Rory’s music box get out of his hiding place? Also, did anybody notice that there was a hanging/swinging chair at the terrace in one scene and yet afterwards there was a normal chair in it’s place? I know it doesn’t have anything to do with the story but still.
  • The clocks stopping at 03:07 — why 03:07, and why was there that one time when the clocks didn’t stop?
  • The technology used by the Warrens. I mean, I don’t know, but some of the tools seemed a bit advanced for the 1970s, don’t you think?
  • The creepiness of the Warrens… and April. Because I spent most of the movie waiting for the Warrens to be revealed as some sort of evil entities. Same with April. Speaking of April how did she get under the kitchen floor and how did she find that locket she later returned to Lorraine? Oh, okay, I guess maybe Rory helped her.


I can probably go on, since the more I think about it the more mysteries seem to pop-up. Let it be said, however, that I don’t think the movie is a bad movie. I mean, it is quite obviously intense and deeply engaging (hey, look at how many details I remember!), yet I don’t think it merits all the praise (or rather, frightful screams) it has been given.

As my movie-watching-partner mentions, it is more of a family movie with a horror tone to it. Although the imagery is probably a bit too much for the younger viewers. Poor things might have serious nightmares and end up sleepwalking. At the end of the day, perhaps instead of The Conjuring, we might want to call it The Confusing instead.


PS: Speaking of which, WHY is the movie called The Conjuring anyway? Who conjured what? Thoughts??

Random Thoughts on Writing

Some days I think to myself: “I need to write more”, “I need to blog more”. Sometimes, these thoughts come with streams of words, of sentences, of thoughts that make coherent sense. Other times, words and sentences but not coherent thoughts. Sometimes, those are the only thoughts.

I leave words behind in many places, here, on twitter, in my journal, on random post-its, or shared with whoever is listening… but more often than not they stay in my head. And that’s a shame. It also hurts.

Ask any writer and they’ll tell you the same things… you are your own biggest critic. You ought to write whenever you feel like writing, even if it’s just for the sake of getting those words, those thoughts out of your head. If you don’t know what to write, just start with whatever comes to mind and keep going. Don’t worry about structure, about making sense, about using too much of the same words, of writing cliches or repeating yourself. It doesn’t matter. Not everything you write ought to be a masterpiece… yet, in a way, everything you write is a masterpiece.

There will be times when you are literally out of words. These are times when reading helps. Read whatever you can, read stories, read poetry, read books you normally wouldn’t stand.

There will be times when you feel empty inside and you don’t know what to do. These are times when you should grab a blank page or create a new post, and just start to write, no matter how random your thoughts might be. If you’re doing the latter, don’t be afraid to publish it. After all, it’s your blog, you have a right to post whatever you like, there is no “perfect” blog post.

On Finding The One

I’m a hopeless romantic. This is an established fact. As such, I have always (ALWAYS) believed that you are meant to find that one person you’re supposed to be with. And yes, I do believe there is such thing as love at first sight. Obviously there are others who think the same way. Like Iain S. Thomas.


Now, if you know me long enough or well enough, you’ll know that as a result of being hopelessly romantic, I have also been hopelessly in love many many times before. I have thought that I’ve found the one — perhaps twice, maybe more — but obviously they weren’t. Here’s a little secret though: every now and then I think of the people I once loved and those who once loved me back and I realize they’re still there. The memories linger, there’s pain and sadness, and a lot of sweetness, and they’re all part of who I am today.

So maybe it is possible to find that one person… more than once in a lifetime. Maybe there’s someone you need to find for a particular period in time, perhaps to teach you a lesson, perhaps you needed that person at that time, perhaps they needed you instead. And then eventually you’ll find the person who would teach you lessons for the rest of your life.

How do you know if the person you just found is the one you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Well, you don’t. But you will know that you found someone. You will know that this is the person you need to be with at the moment. Your soul will look at that person and see that they’re a missing piece of your puzzle.

It makes sense, even if it defies all logic. Even if you claim your heart skipped a beat when you first heard their name and you were overwhelmed with giddy emotions when you saw them on twitter and you were dumbfounded when you saw him and you acted completely awkward when they talked to you.

When you find this person, things will happen. You eventually have conversations. You see each other again. You feel comfortable in each others company. You realize you can talk forever with this person, about whatever you like. You could also just sit in silence and it wouldn’t be awkward.

You would miss them, you would kiss them. The first kiss might not be the best kiss ever but it was perfect nevertheless. You would want to kiss them over and over again. All over, no matter where, but you hold back as a matter of decency, or just to see if they would kiss you back instead.

You would want to know everything about them, you would want to know what they’re doing, where and with whom (when they’re not with you), and they wouldn’t mind answering. You would say I love you because your heart wants to scream it out loud, and they would say “I love you, too!”

It would be a lie to say that things will be happy and glowing all the time. You will argue, you will go through rough times, you will think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and realize nothing has ever been more right. You’ll whisper a prayer whenever you can, you thank God that you’ve found them.

And you go on on that journey with the person you found. Seconds, minutes, hours, days. If this person is the one you’re meant to be with until the end of your time, then this person will be there. By your side, even when you can’t be physically together.

PS: This is a love letter to you… as I thank God I found you.

On Nervous Breakdowns

It starts with something small. One word. One look. It wouldn’t have bothered you if you weren’t already on the edge, but you most certainly are. You’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions, and that little poke shattered your heart.

It starts with an empty feeling at the center of your heart that spreads in an instant. It’s so deep that you can literally feel the emptiness bursting forth, spreading through your nerves, and there it goes… it crunches you and tears are streaming down your eyes. Your head feels like it’s going to explode next, but instead your body convulses and you reach the edge of your seat, holding on to dear life.

The tension builds up and you are pushing against your seat, you roll your head back and you feel like your limbs are being pulled apart. You grind your teeth, you’re heaving and you feel like you’ve forgotten how to breathe.

Your whole body shivers and you gasp for air.

You force yourself to take a long deep breath and the pain resolves.

You start to relax and you gulp down some water. Your eyes are dry again and nobody would know what just happened.

You start typing.

You’re hoping someone would read this so they could be ready for you when the next breakdown happens… cause you feel it lurking there, just waiting, waiting for that something to trigger it all over and over again.

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 49

Viens chez moi te mettre à l’abri, on ira sous les draps écouter la pluie*.
— Mon Paradis, Christophe Maé

They decided to have a race back to the apartment. Aimee was ahead, but Thomas caught up with her and grabbed her hand, and they ran together, and arrived together, drenched and out of breath but happier than ever.

“Aimee…” Thomas muttered as he held the door open for her. She turned to face him.
“Yes, Thomas?”
“Thank you,” he whispered.

*Come to my place and put yourself under the cover, we’ll snuggle under the sheets and listen to the rain.